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Finding freedom from porn addiction, pornography addiction, the effects of
pornography
by Gene McConnell
Porn & addiction...sex out of context
On a cold, dark night, there's nothing better than a blazing fire in the
fireplace. You can pile on the wood and let it burn nice and warm. It's
safe, warm, relaxing and romantic. Now take that same fire out of the
fireplace (which was built for it) and drop it in the middle of the living
room. Suddenly it becomes destructive. It can burn down the whole house and
kill everyone inside. Sex is like that fire. As long as it's expressed in
the protective commitment of a marriage relationship, its wonderful, warm
and romantic. But porn takes sex outside that context.
Porn - A Big Business
It's a big business that makes a lot of money and doesn't care how. They'll
show you whatever they think will make you come back and buy more. "There
were 11,000 porn video titles last year verses 400 movie releases from
Hollywood last year...[and] 70,000 pornographic web sites." (New York Times,
May 20, 2001, "Naked Capitalists")
Porn's Image of Sex
One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who
we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are
becomes twisted. The porn culture tells you that sex, love and intimacy are
all the same thing. In porn, people have sex with total strangers -- people
they just met. All that matters is my satisfaction. It doesn't matter whose
body I'm using, as long as I get it. Porn gets you to think that sex is
something you can have anytime, anywhere, with anyone, with no consequences.
What Sex is Really About
Porn's outlook is stupid and shallow. Relationships are not built on sex,
but on commitment, caring and mutual trust. In that context, like fire in
the fireplace, sex is wonderful. Being with someone who loves and accepts
you, someone who is committed to you for your whole lives together, someone
you can give yourself completely to, that is what makes sex really great.
Effects of Pornography: The Lies of Porn
You can't learn the truth about sex from pornography. It doesn't deal in
truth. Pornography is not made to educate, but to sell. So, pornography will
tell whatever lies attract and hold the audience. Porn thrives on lies --
lies about sex, women, marriage and a lot of other things. Let's look at
some of those lies and see just how badly they can mess up your life and
attitudes.
Lie #1 - Women are less than human
The women in Playboy magazine are called "bunnies," making them cute little
animals or "playmates," making them a toy. Penthouse magazine calls them
"pets." Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts.
Some pornography shows only the body or the genitals and doesn't show the
face at all. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and
emotions is played down.
Lie #2 - Women are a "sport"
Some sports magazines have a "swimsuit" issue. This suggests that women are
just some kind of sport. Porn views sex as a game and in a game, you have to
"win," "conquer," or "score." Men who buy into this view like to talk about
"scoring" with women. They start judging their manhood by how many
"conquests" they can make. Each woman I "score" with is another trophy on my
shelf, another "notch" in my belt to validate my masculinity.
Lie #3 - Women are property
We've all seen the pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over
it. The unspoken message, "Buy one, and you get them both." Hard-core porn
carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalog,
exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It's not
surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money
taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her. Porn tells us
that women can be bought.
Lie #4 - A woman's value depends on the attractiveness of her body
Less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales,
pigs or worse, simply because they don't fit into porn's criteria of the
"perfect" woman. Porn doesn't care about a woman's mind or personality, only
her body.
Lie #5 - Women like rape
"When she says no, she means yes" is a typical porn scenario. Women are
shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then starting to like
it. Porn teaches men to enjoying hurting and abusing women for
entertainment.
Lie #6 - Women should be degraded
Porn is often full of hate speech against women. Women are shown being
tortured and humiliated in hundreds of sick ways and begging for more. Does
this kind of treatment show any respect for women? Any love? Or is it hatred
and contempt that porn is promoting toward women?
Lie #7 - Little kids should have sex
One of the biggest sellers in pornography is imitation "child" porn. The
women are "made-up" to look like little girls by wearing pony tails, little
girl shoes, holding a teddy bear. The message of the pictures and cartoons
is that adults having sex with kids is normal. This sets the porn user up to
see children in a sexual way.
Lie #8 - Illegal sex is fun
Porn often has illegal or dangerous elements thrown in to make sex more
"interesting." It suggests that you can't enjoy sex if it isn't weird,
illegal or dangerous.
Lie #9 - Prostitution is glamorous
Porn paints an exciting picture of prostitution. In reality, many of the
women portrayed in pornographic material are runaway girls trapped in a life
of slavery. Many having been sexually abused. Some of them are infected with
incurable sexually transmitted diseases that are highly contagious and often
die very young. Many take drugs just to cope.
Effects of Pornography: Bottom Line
Pornography makes a profit from the ruined lives of young women and entraps
men who will spend lots of time AND money succumbing to their product.
Effects of Pornography: The Power of Images
It's dumb to think that the things we see and hear don't affect us. We all
admit that good music, good movies and good books add a lot to our lives.
They can relax us, educate us, move us or inspire us. Obviously, good images
do good things to us. It's not hard to believe that bad images can do bad
things to us.
Images can also persuade us. Businesses know that if they can get a
persuasive image of their product in front of you during a highly emotional
moment, it will sink into your subconscious mind. The advertising scientists
are so good at what they do, they can predict just how much more of their
product you will buy if you see their ad. Sometimes, viewers don't even see
the name of the product. Reeses Pieces paid a huge price just to have their
candy shown for a few seconds in the movie "ET," and sales of Reeses Pieces
skyrocketed. Why? Because the emotions connected with watching that small
boy reaching out to the alien were transferred to the visual image of the
candy. If a split second view of a product -- even when it's not the center
of attention -- can affect people's behavior, imagine the effect of a movie
that keeps your attention glued to the screen for an hour and a half with
sexually explicit images.
What are the effects of pornography on a man?
What kinds of ideas is porn putting into our heads? If the wrong things keep
getting dumped in, your mental environment can get so polluted that your
life is going to have problems. One of the most vital parts of mental
environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas are
polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted.
Porn Addiction: The Pull of Porn
Not everyone who sees porn will become addicted. Some will just come away
with toxic ideas about women, sex, marriage, and children. However, some
will have some kind of emotional opening that allows the addiction to really
grab hold. The porn companies don't mind at all if you become completely
addicted to their product. It's great for business. Dr. Victor Cline has
divided the progress of addiction into several stages; addiction,
escalation, desensitization, and acting out. For porn addicts, I've found
that there is another stage that comes first -- early exposure. Let's look
at these stages:
EARLY EXPOSURE
Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. They see porn when they are
very young and it gets its foot in the door.
PORN ADDICTION
You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're
hooked and can't quit.
ESCALATION
You start to look for more graphic pornography. You start using porn that
disgusted you earlier. Now, it excites you.
DESENSITIZATION
You start to become numb to the images you see. Even the most graphic porn
doesn't excite you any more. You become desperate to feel the same thrill
again, but you can't find it.
ACTING OUT SEXUALLY
This is the point where men make a crucial jump and start acting out the
images they have seen. Some move from the paper and plastic images of porn
into the real world, with real people, in destructive ways.
Porn Addiction: Am I Addicted?
If you see any of these patterns in your life, you need to put the brakes on
right now. Is porn becoming more and more in control of your life? Do you
have trouble putting it down? Do you keep going back for more?
Porn Addiction: What Can I Do?
The first thing you've got to do is admit that you struggle with
pornography. Believe me, you are not strange or unusual if you do. Millions
of men are at various stages in the struggle with porn. It's really not
surprising. The porn industry has spent billions of dollars trying to snare
you. Is it really shocking that they have succeeded? For some of you there
may also be issues in your past, such as abuse or sexual exposure, that
makes porn addiction even harder to shake. There is only so much you can do
in fighting addiction without help.
You need someone to help you break this addiction. Overcoming the secrecy is
absolutely vital. You probably can't escape addiction without it. That
doesn't mean everyone has to know you're struggling. Pick someone you can
trust who counsels men who are having problems with addiction -- a pastor,
youth group leader or counselor. Someone you can completely trust, feel safe
with and has experience in the area of addiction isn't going to be
surprised. |
